“We're effectively run in this country…by a bunch of childless cat ladies, who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. It's just a basic fact.”
Vice Presidential Candidate J.D. Vance
The trope about miserable, childless cat ladies is as old as witch burning. The ante has been upped with the implication that cat ladies are also bent on making the whole country miserable. Well, if that’s true, I, as an award-winning representative of the feline obsessed, decree we must all binge on pints of Ben & Jerry’s, drink cheap chardonnay, and listen to Taylor Swift sing about the men who wronged her until our ears bleed.
Here's the question: How many felines does it take to make a cat lady? One, two, three, a dozen? I have two – does that make me a cat lady or a cat lady in training? What about single men and their cats? Are they out to destroy the American way of life as well? What about single women and men who have both cats and dogs? Are they using dogs as a cover while they hatch their plans to cover the world in cat hair and despair? Perhaps cat bonding is the new Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.
I incorporated the cat lady trope into my novel Cat Dreaming: A Story of Friendships and Second Chances, in which each of my female protagonists has one or more cats. All are struggling with relationships, careers, and self-doubt although none, I would dare say, is attempting misery as world domination tactic. But the question of whether cat ownership is a toxic repellent to men is raised by the character of Cheryl, who complains at a book club meeting that the others were talking about their cats too much. “I thought you guys were all big into the dating scene. I mean, single women and their cats, it’s kind of a turn-off. Not that you don’t have cute cats… But it’s like, you know, old maids and their cats.”
Cheryl’s advice is not heeded; the irony is that later in the novel she and her husband adopt a cat and become absolutely besotted with it. This is based on a true incident in which a friend
complained about our cat talk during book club. Years later she and her husband adopted cats that now dominate her Facebook feed.
We single women do indeed talk too much about our cats. But we love cats not only because
they are affectionate but because they are independent. Feminist icon Gloria Steinem has suggested this mutual love of independence creates the bond between women and their feline companions. In my novel, a spectral Jane Austen tells the character Maureen to buck up and quit feeling sorry for herself, by reminding her about past limitations on women’s lives. “You may die, husbandless, childless, and perhaps that furry creature that you dote upon will be forced to dine on your lifeless corpse as you so often predict,” says my imaginary Jane Austen. “But you can make your own way in the world.”
I also wanted Cat Dreaming to show how cat companionship is not female centric. In my novel, Tommy has three cats that he calls “the boys.” This makes his love interest, Tina, fall for him. His sorrow over death of his oldest, most beloved cat, Ratso, underscores his deep strength of character. When I adopted my first cat (rather, she adopted me by hanging around my house), it was the men in my life who counseled me on the intricacies of cat rearing. I knew at least two single men with two cats, whom they called “the boys.” From the start of my cat companionship journey, I’ve known men both single and married with a passionate devotion to felines.
There are tons of Tommies out there. Think of Ernest Hemingway and his love of extra-toed cats. Or Mark Twain and his comment: “If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat." Cat videos, many made by men, are the backbone of the Internet. My favorite TikTok influencer is the Cat Rapper and his felines Ravioli and Parmesan, who make kitty rhymes without losing a shred of street cred or masculinity.
Kids today on social media post about the “cat distribution system.” Likewise the characters in
Cat Dreaming – which is set in the pre-internet ‘80s – talk about how cats, like nature, abhor a
vacuum and rush to fill any feline gaps in the space-time continuum. This means that a house that once had a cat will likely soon have another. Again, this is based on my personal experience when my landlord’s cat died and a few weeks later the cat that I would eventually adopt just showed up.
The hubbub has made me think of a line from the song “Ladies of the Canyon” in which Joni
Mitchell sings lovingly of “Annie [who] sits you down to eat/She always makes you welcome
in/Cats and babies 'round her feet/And all are fat and none are thin.” You can love both cats and children – and dogs and parrots and hamsters. All are welcome in.
Stephanie Schorow lives in Medford, Massachusetts, with her two cats. Cat Dreaming recently
won a Certificate of Excellence in the 2024 Communication Contest for the Cat Writers’
Association.
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